I got 99. . . days left. . .

99 days.  I can't believe it.  I put a count down app. on my phone just to keep track mostly for the purpose of motivating myself to complete my goals and so that I can take a moment every once and a while to check myself.  I hadn't looked at it in a really long time. 

At the moment, I have the overwhelming urge to be alone.  I am not really sure where this mood comes from every great once and a while (cause remember, this girl is a pretty extreme extrovert) but I know that sometimes I just need to step away from it all. 

Every time I get into my introverted mood, I think that it somehow disrupts some cosmic social balance. . . many times this restless, quiet, contemplative attitude occurs right at the same time that someone needs to talk or hang out or be hyper.  What makes it worse is that I often feel responsible for proverbially sucking the life out of another persons good vibes because, well, I just want to think. Right now, I would be absolutely content sitting on a beach, on a cloudy day by myself  staring out across the ocean. Alas, my view extends to the wall at the other end of my bed. . .

In this moment, I honestly feel less than exceptional.  Almost below average. . .

It's like I feel my heart missing God even though I know He is right here.  I could cry.  Because I know that my Jesus doesn't leave me.  He doesn't change.  So what is it in me that feels so far away? It's humbling to feel this weak. And to write about it. It is the only thing that feels right though.

2 Cor. 12: 9-10
^"9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."