Puffer Fish Kind of Risky

My first box of 200 tissues is completely gone. . . mainly due to my previous illness earlier in the semester.  Now, less than a month later, cold symptoms are back with a nasty vengeance.  I accepted this reality with a disgusted groan. I then thrusted my foot locker from under my bed from which I extracted my second box of 200 count, 2 ply tissue.  

I probably deserve it though.  Probably punishment for my inconsistent updates. . ."BAD BLOGGER! BAD!" Honestly, I haven't quite known what I needed to put into words.  It takes some time to figure out exactly what God is trying to say sometimes and sometime even when I figure it out, it takes a while for it to full change the heart of the matter. 

I have made a dent in a few of my goals:

~ Played a video game last week in preparation for further conquest of my personally owned Greg Hasting's Xbox game which I acquired from a youth pastor who just wanted to get it off his hands.  Having friends with xboxes meant I was quite happy to oblige. . . goal #9 (in progress)

~ Lost some weight and learned how to free throw in basketball. This was intensely more energizing than running but I am going to have to get back on that high horse eventually. . . goal #2 (progressing as well) 

~ Developing my application for the psych program and solidify my career choice which I will have to share at a later date. . .goal #1 (coming close to completion, hopefully) 

. . .  well, this is a predicament isn't it?  I don't know if you have noticed, but I have. . . These goals are all great and stuff and I really do plan on following through with everyone of them as best as I can but. . . there is something I have noticed that troubles me. Nothing about any of these goals is putting me at risk.  No, no, no. . . I do not mean sky\cliff diving, bungee jumping, eating a poisonous puffer fish kind of risky.  

I mean out-of-your-comfort-zone, obsessed with Jesus kind of risky. 

One of my career advisors met with me for a chat and one thing that he pointed out about my personality was how much of a risk taker I am (NOT). . . for some reason this stuck with me.  Even over fall break while I was with my family and friends,  I realized how "safe" I can be about things sometime.

Life happens.  We get older and stuff happens.  The world gets more and more scary.  Taking risks internally (faith, relationships, planning) becomes less and less appealing.  

Francis Chan talks about this in his book "Crazy Love 

"We are consumed by safety. Obsessed with it actually. . .We have elevated safety to the neglect of what ever God's best is, whatever would bring God the most glory, or whatever would accomplish His purposes in our lives and in the world." 

He then goes on to ask one of the most impacting questions I have never thought to consider:

"Would you be willing to pray this prayer? 'God bring me closer to You. . . whatever it takes. . ." 

I am not sure how you felt just reading that.  But it is enough for me to have a "new #1" goal for me. . . I want to be a risk taker.  On the outside and more importantly the inside. Intentionally putting myself at risk for the sake of Christ.  Risks like loving my enemies, (not) making plans, giving up opportunities that are just shy of God's best. . . putting my heart in the world to be passionate for the people in it, knowing that it is not a matter of IF it will get broken but when and how often.

 I want to live a risky life. I might gain the whole world by doing the life the safe way, but I will never change the world without living at risk.  

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? Matt. 16:26

"People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else.  Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth then their own lives being shielded from pain or distress." Chan "Crazy Love"

If taking risks is part of having a passionate, crazy, obsessed, consumed, love for my God. . . 

may I be a Risk Taker 

Mutual Thirst

Have you ever heard the sound that ice makes inside a Styrofoam cup? It is really sensational. If you are super imaginative (like me) you can close your eyes and visualize a warm spring day as the ice is  melting off the top of a river into little pieces. This may be taking the sound of a cup and making it a tad bit too theatrical but at least you have an entirely more interesting way of hearing ice chunks floating in a cup. 

But I digress. . .  

What I am referring to when I think of this sound is one of the great commodities that I appreciate about this collegiate institution. I would describe it as basically a 32 oz, monstrous, white silo.  Filling it with  soda or juice costs extra so most people don't typically care to invest in a giant, calorie infused, jug that is going to be a pain to carry around.  I, on the other hand, am especially found of these cups because I can fill them too the brim with a couple class sessions worth of life-giving ice water which costs no more than it's mundane 16oz. counterpart, as long as it is strictly water of course. . . 

In fact, I have one of these glorious silos sitting beside me as we speak although the H2O supply is significantly decreased since dinner time. . . but you know no matter how many times I fill up my obnoxious Styrofoam cup and no many how many times I down the full 32oz.,  I am eventually going to get thirsty again. . . it's natural. It is how God created our bodies.  The cycle of thirst.

 But, that is not in fact, how He created our souls. . . 

I believe that we all get trapped in cycles of thirst.  These "cycles" can be anything in life that control our motivations.  It is more often than not our relationships to others that keep us in the prison of a thirsty soul. You get the first "drink" of approval from someone who has rejected you and you feel refreshed again.  Maybe for a while we are satisfied until, like our bodies, we need another "drink" or something hurtful happens and not only are you thirsting after their attentions but you are almost panicked from emotional "dehydration"  when you are not receiving the comfort of their validation. This can happen with almost any relationship. Family, friends, lovers . . . 

They unwittingly capture us and we allow ourselves to be captured by them. . . and to be honest, if we really think about it, it is a selfish thing to live our lives according to the way we are treated by others. We are to be controlled by the Spirit so that we may experience life and peace (Romans 8:6) Some people we allow into our lives are so blind that it is almost unfair to blame them for the emotional turmoil we experience as a result of their actions. They just don't see things the same way.   Andy Mineo shared "No one gets offended when a blind person bumps into them. Neither should we be offended when we are hurt by those whose hearts are blind."  It is inherently selfish to think that we can TAKE emotional stock from other fallen human beings and USE it to fill ourselves up. 

Jesus reveals this beautiful in this story about the Samaritan woman at the well. (John 4:7-45)  One of the very first things He asks her is to give Him a drink.  Isn't that interesting? I don't think that He was just trying to start a conversation. Jesus "thirsts" after us. . .  Christ was asking this woman and is asking all of us to give Him the "water" of this world  in exchange for the kind of "living water" that will not only satisfy forever but will over-flow into a "well, springing up into eternal life" for the sake of others. Jesus starts with offering freedom and THEN fulfillment. We cannot have one without the other. 

Bottom line is this (and one of my favorite quotes): "the only one who can satisfy the human heart, is the One Who made it." 

I want a relationship of mutual thirst with God. . . even though it doesn't seem quite fair. He wants to free me from my cycles of thirst and whatever "water" I choose to satisfy them with so the I can come to Him, who has a drink that will do far more than quench. . .