Alright, this is the kind of morning that calls for some hot coffee and some fluffy slippers. You know the kind of morning where you can feel that autumn is right around the corner? You can almost taste the pumpkin and apple soaked everything. I can hear my mom's voice over the rumble of the shopping cart waltzing past the displays as she discusses the evils of the Halloween season. Which I happen to appreciate her comments and find them slightly humorous. (love you momma hehe). And, as Tom Hanks observed in "You've Got Mail", it makes me want to buy school supplies. . .
Yeah, this is one of those mornings and I don't really mind it. I woke up right out of my sleep knowing that I really should be getting into a more responsible college friendly sleep routine. . . whatever that means. At least, I would like to think that I am doing something productive at this time in the morning.
It's starting to get to that point where it is really coming down to the wire. Two weeks from today my one year of self-discovery will be officially over. Other than a few friends who have faithfully kept me accountable, I often wonder if anyone even remembers what I am trying to do. . . Sometimes, admittedly, I have to remind myself what I am trying to do here.
Time to get real. This year hasn't been easy. Especially in the midst of the what I am forthwith dubbing the "Year of the Alter Stampede". No offense to the married, engaged, or dating people out there but please, turn your attention to social media and your mailbox or walk around a mall for that matter; finding proof of romance this summer is like trying to find sand on the sea shore. Honestly, as much sarcasm as it sounds like I am spewing at the moment, the truth is, as a natural born hopeless romantic I am loving every minute of it.
This should come as no surprise as I already forewarned you all at the beginning that I am no relationship hater. In fact, quite the contrary. The desire for that kind of love is natural. It didn't go away this year either. Yeah, there were moments went it was less intense than others but it's a desire that God put in all of our hearts. . "It's NOT good for man to be alone.", is pretty clear proof of that. I almost felt guilty for those feelings until I realized, as with any other human emotion, it's not about what I feel, it's about what I DO with those feelings. And even then I didn't DO perfectly. . .
Thankfully, God gives a greater grace. . .
In all of it, I still think singleness is an incredible gift of God. It shook me how wonderful it can be because before this I had lived, to a certain degree like it was somewhere between a chore and a flat out disease for a very long time. I talked about it like it was the annoying reality of life instead of a joy. Occasionally, I still notice my words about singleness being less than flattering out of habit and even out of truthfully not enjoying it. But the more I have learned what I can do within a period of singleness, the more grateful I am I am for it. It is a gift that I can say thank you for and really mean it.
On the other hand, a relationship between a man and woman when done in the context of God's will is an equally valuable gift. It is truly glorious. Sadly, when I started, I unconsciously thought that to understand the value of singleness, I would have to dwell within a narrow, negative, almost demeaning view of man\woman relationship. But that is so far from the truth. There is something that happens to your appreciation of singleness when you love it's opposite. Truthfully, I believe it is because God started and will end this world with a love story.
The overarching purpose for me saying all of this is not to make excuses for my failures, not to lift myself up or tear others down who are in a different place than me or should I say been blessed with a different gift than me. . . It is all to say that one, if not perhaps the absolute, greatest lesson I have learned in all of this year, that will forever change my life, is that it is not about the blessings\gifts (singleness or relationship).
It is about loving the Gift-Giver. . .
"...it is Thee and not Thy gifts I crave..." George Matheson
