Double Decade

With all the good intentions in my heart, I had originally planned to compose another post back closer to the 21st of this month in celebration of my birthday.  Well, needless to say the 21st came and went along with the 22nd, 23rd and on and on until it is now 5 days post birthday and I am now just getting to it. . . 

I am now the big "double decade" as I like to call it. The teen years will soon be a distant memory.  It is almost chilling to think about and relieving all at once. I have no idea about what God is going to do with the next 10, 20 or even 50 years of my life but if the past few months have been just a taste of what He has for me, there is nothing to fear about growing old.  

Let's get down too it shall we? 

 I have come to the conclusion that it is probably harder to be truthful with yourself than it is to be truthful with anyone else. Your parents, teachers and church can teach you about honesty with others all they like but it takes the power of God to teach us honesty with ourselves.   When you are single and on your own, you have no one else to look at but yourself. Personally, as I have been intentionally trying to follow through with this commitment, I feel like I have volunteered to sit in front of a gigantic mirror and really have a good look at who I really am.  Often times, I don't really like what I see and it is pretty uncomfortable. 

But this is what I have asked for though. To become more like Christ. . . and I am starting to see that the best way to do that is to be less infatuated with the made up ideal in my head that I am deep down some fantastic person just waiting to unleash my awesomeness on the world.  So,  I am going to keep sitting at my proverbial mirror and learn to be honest about the reflection, knowing that as time goes on, it will begin to look more and more like the image of Christ looking back.  Up on the wall next to my bed is going to go a little note card tonight, with the words "Be honest with yourself". . . If I can tell people what is wrong with them (speck), I darn well better be ready to see what is wrong with me (plank).

Challenged? I hope you are. I know I am. 

How "uncool" I really am

happy 6 months of blogging to me.  I seriously have no idea what I am I going to write about at the moment. . . It is almost scary how blank my mind is right now. Like a man in his nothing box.

Spring Break, actually any break has a tendency to do that.  You come home and you start to lose motivation for basic everyday rituals like putting in your contacts (which I never remember anyways) or even dressing decently.  Sweat pants and messy buns become the uniform of choice.  I just barely got up enough gumption to do a quick work-out after dinner tonight.  Ended up face down on the floor moaning and groaning like someone had beaten me to within an inch of my life. How sad. . . 

On a more annoying note, I didn't get the leadership position that I really wanted for an on-campus job next year.  Honestly, I really think that I grossly over-estimated my chances.  It was humbling actually. I mean I am a fun loving, people person with a winning personality and I love Jesus to top that all off GOSH DARN IT!. . . 

Alright, I admit it. . .
Humble <---- I need to remember this word. Maybe I have been praying that God will show me what needs to be changed in my life but I think I have a tendency some days to become too proud of the changes that I have seen God do in my life. On occasion I forget that perfection will never be possible inside or outside. For me or anyone else. I have failed to realize that He isn't finished with me yet. There is still ugliness within me. . . places where my flesh is just dormant instead of dead. Waiting for the right moment. That is a hard thing to swallow.

The truth: my ugliness and God's perfection are a beautiful dichotomy.  When I take time to acknowledge my inadequacies, it glorifies God's perfection. 

God makes us aware of our defects not so that we will work to mend it ourselves; it is so that we may see even more clearly, the greatness of God's perfection and in turn the degree of the grace we have received. Finally, it is through this grace, not by our own "changes", that we are restored. 

 1 Tim. 1:14-16 
¹⁴ Our Lord poured out more and more of his grace on me. Along with it came faith and love from Christ Jesus.
¹⁵ Here is a saying that you can trust. It should be accepted completely. Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.
And I am the worst sinner of all. ¹⁶ But for that very reason, God showed me mercy. And I am the worst of sinners. He showed me mercy so that Christ Jesus could show that he is very patient. I was an example for those who would come to believe in him. Then they would receive eternal life.

I will never realize the depths of God's majesty until I realize the lack of my own. 

 Show me, oh God, how "uncool" I really am. . .