The little sister is married off and now a Mrs. I couldn't have asked
for a more beautiful wedding for my sweet girl. It was a day I'll never
forget. Just perfect. Now everything is returning to normal and I am
trying to figure out ways to employ the rest of my summer outside of
babysitting. . .
Ugh. . . alright. . .
As hard as I try to focus on my computer screen, I still feel like
everything is spinning and twirling. Back and forth and up and down. . .
but it was so worth it. My thirst for adrenaline has been quenched.
Yesterday was Cedar Point Amusement Park day. Gotta love it. Luckily, my motivation to write down some thoughts is greater than the effects of my disrupted equilibrium.
My original plan was to write yesterday but somehow standing in lines, in the hot sun, with about 10 bazillion chattering people sporting an array of interesting outerwear choices, didn't seem like the kind of place for any profound thinking to occur. People watching is half the fun of amusement parks anyway. . . okay. . .maybe not half but at least one-third.
I am really drawing a blank here. . .Fairly certain I left my brain in Sandusky, on a roller-coaster because I really haven't seen it all day. But, I guess since my head isn't in this, it will give my heart a more room to express itself.
I must confess that I have discovered a recent love for poached eggs that I have never known before. Yeah, I am being extremely shallow right now but I thought it was defiantly worth mentioning. . .
In fact, poached eggs have become a silly and yet meaningful visual reminder of my heart. People have a tendency to desensitize the older they get kind of like how an egg gets harder the longer it sit in the poacher. Unfortunately, after 326 days of working to critically examine myself, I have begun to see the "poaching" of life hardening my own heart. Keeping a soft heart through life is not easy. Circumstances heat up and it feels almost impossible to remain sensitive and optimistic. But, one of the best pieces of advice that I have heard recently was instead of just experiencing the challenges of life, be thankful for them. Really. Take a second and thank God for pain. It really does work. I tried it. Thankfulness has the power to soften the heart. I don't want to get to the end of my life and have an over poached, hard heart. Trust me, it's not good for an egg and it's not good for your heart.
That was a completely ridiculous soap box session. I get that and I am okay with it. I needed to write so I did and now that I have added to my "Amusement park hangover" I am very close to completely passing out. Tonight, I am thankful for poached eggs and pain.
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life
All I am,
I surrender
~ Elevation Worship "Give Me Faith"
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
#2
There is some manner of silence in the house. Mother and sister are out doing last minute wedding duties so I have the house to my lonesome. This is not a problem for me to tell you the truth. I crave the peace. It will not last long though, mark my words. Dad is on his way home and the moment he hits the door step my now silent, sleeping mutt dog will be howling and generally causing a whole house upset. It's no matter though. There are not many things that can get me off my good mood at the moment. You see I have completed the 9 week Insanity challenge. I am so excited because that means that I am fairly close to completing my number 2 goal for this year. Finish getting healthy.
I have started to realize, that it is more of a process than an end goal. It's not necessarily about getting healthy, it's about being healthy. Getting verses being. To quote a friend of mine: when you are getting something it is something you are receiving [outside yourself]. When you are being something, that is what you are. I would not only like to get my health but I would like to continue being healthy.
Like everything else that I write about, I think that this can apply to my relationship with God. The way that I think about it, getting close to God is much less challenging than being close to God. Once I get there, it is hard to remain there.
At this point in my life-long journey with God, there have been many moments when I have gotten close to God. I can feel His presence, His love, and His glory all around me. I can know without a doubt what He wants from me. But, time goes by and like a hyper preschooler in a doctor's waiting room, my heart has a hard time sitting still. Continuing to be in the center of His will takes much discipline. "Being" is more of a choice. It is who you are. It is who I want to be. A woman constantly "being" in the presence of God instead of a young woman constantly try to get back into the presence\will of God. It makes sense to me.
As an example of this, I recently read a book entitled "Get Lost"by Dannah Gresh. I was totally enthralled by the time I was done. I was able to spend time "getting lost" in the presence of God. My biggest problem since reading this awesome devotional has been staying lost. With life's demands, it wasn't too long until I felt like I wasn't quite as lost as I wanted to be anymore.
I don't want to do that anymore. . .
So, I think the greatest lesson I can learn from Insanity and in applying it to my life as a woman of God, is practicing the discipline of being. Whether we are talking physical or spiritual health, it doesn't really matter. I am doing this one year thing and I have gotten close to God and experienced His incredible presence countless times but constantly living in such a way that I am always aware of His presence, now, that is something I don't quite have down yet.
I have 64 days left. I am going to be in this, not just get through this. Once it is over, I want to continue to be this woman after God's own heart. What I want is to BE healthy, inside out.
For any of you reading, remember it is a struggle. It's not easy to get somewhere and then stay somewhere in your spiritual life. I have just admitted to the same problem. Every single person struggles with this on some level or another. We can neither get perfect or be perfect. So, don't hear what I am not saying. It's just not possible. We often get mountaintop experiences but don't often continue to be changed by those lessons. But God remains faithful and gives us a greater grace. He commands us to remain [continue being] inside that love. When we get the love of God and remain in the love of God, we become the love of God to this world.
John 15:9-11
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
I have started to realize, that it is more of a process than an end goal. It's not necessarily about getting healthy, it's about being healthy. Getting verses being. To quote a friend of mine: when you are getting something it is something you are receiving [outside yourself]. When you are being something, that is what you are. I would not only like to get my health but I would like to continue being healthy.
Like everything else that I write about, I think that this can apply to my relationship with God. The way that I think about it, getting close to God is much less challenging than being close to God. Once I get there, it is hard to remain there.
At this point in my life-long journey with God, there have been many moments when I have gotten close to God. I can feel His presence, His love, and His glory all around me. I can know without a doubt what He wants from me. But, time goes by and like a hyper preschooler in a doctor's waiting room, my heart has a hard time sitting still. Continuing to be in the center of His will takes much discipline. "Being" is more of a choice. It is who you are. It is who I want to be. A woman constantly "being" in the presence of God instead of a young woman constantly try to get back into the presence\will of God. It makes sense to me.
As an example of this, I recently read a book entitled "Get Lost"by Dannah Gresh. I was totally enthralled by the time I was done. I was able to spend time "getting lost" in the presence of God. My biggest problem since reading this awesome devotional has been staying lost. With life's demands, it wasn't too long until I felt like I wasn't quite as lost as I wanted to be anymore.
I don't want to do that anymore. . .
So, I think the greatest lesson I can learn from Insanity and in applying it to my life as a woman of God, is practicing the discipline of being. Whether we are talking physical or spiritual health, it doesn't really matter. I am doing this one year thing and I have gotten close to God and experienced His incredible presence countless times but constantly living in such a way that I am always aware of His presence, now, that is something I don't quite have down yet.
I have 64 days left. I am going to be in this, not just get through this. Once it is over, I want to continue to be this woman after God's own heart. What I want is to BE healthy, inside out.
For any of you reading, remember it is a struggle. It's not easy to get somewhere and then stay somewhere in your spiritual life. I have just admitted to the same problem. Every single person struggles with this on some level or another. We can neither get perfect or be perfect. So, don't hear what I am not saying. It's just not possible. We often get mountaintop experiences but don't often continue to be changed by those lessons. But God remains faithful and gives us a greater grace. He commands us to remain [continue being] inside that love. When we get the love of God and remain in the love of God, we become the love of God to this world.
John 15:9-11
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
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