The Spiritual Pyromaniac

There is one word that can simultaneously strike both great fear and inexplicable joy into the heart of a college student: Summer. . . I can't believe that it is already here. Just yesterday I was trotting across campus, stressing about my final presentation and wondering how I was ever going to survive the rest of the day including my drive home.  

Don't even get me started on that drive. . .  a 4.5 hour flat, mindless road trip turned into a especially confusing and slightly dangerous 7 hour adventure through the countryside of Ohio. How can two people (my mother and I) with two fully functioning GPS systems and a map get that lost by missing one lousy exit?  I don't know but I have to say the sight of my bed and puppy dog made me very happy to be alive.  

I guess it gave me a lot of time to think and pray. . . those times with God are precious to me. It is not very often that I get my overly extroverted self into a situation where I am completely alone. In fact, I will be honest that in those moments, I get very uncomfortable with the silence and the vulnerability.  I feel. . . exposed.  On some level, I think that I use others to hide behind.  

This time was different . . . I have been craving an opportunity to be silent with God.  To stand in His presence. . . My fire was starting to die down. 

Burn. 

That is the word God laid on my heart. Like a theme for the summer. . . I need more flame in my fire.  Refuel.  I want to burn passionately with a love and focus for God that I know I have deep under the ashes of some wasted time and unfocused thought patterns.  

I want to burn in other ways too on a lighter note. . . burning off some of this excess pizza and junk food residue off my poor body and get fit like I have been crawling toward for the past few years. 

Burn burn burn. . . 

Gives me a mind for a summer theme song:

"Burn For You"
  by TobyMac 
 
I'm a brand new man, I'm a conscious man
I'm a man who's burnin' for you
The mistakes I've made have been chased away to the bottom of the ocean blue
I'm a brand new man in a foreign land, I'm a man who's feelin' that fire
And it's all so clear when I'm standing here at the peak of my desire

So won't you move me like you used to
I want the world to know I burn for you

I feel revived again, I am alive again
(Burnin' for you) You got me lifted and lifted you lift me up
I feel revived again, I'm energized again
(Burnin' for you) You got me lifted and lifted you lift me up

Woke up in a sweat, those ghosts in my head
Had a grip, but I slipped on by
It's a whole new day as the darkness fades
And the sun's climbing in the sky
I concede, my love, that I need your love
I'm before you, a broken man
And it's only you, no substitutes who can renew this soul again

You got me higher than Kilimanjaro
Got me believin' I can "save the day"
I'm up and running like their ain't no tomorrow
I'd rather burn for you than fade away
I'd rather burn for you than go my way

I'm a whole new guy with a whole new vibe
Changed inside - more flame in the fire
Can't stop, won't stop praying for desire
Like the bunny on the screen feel so energized
Old shell gone without a trace, new face
No more shortness of breath, new pace
Live life now without the taste of fear
TOBYMAC, Double Dutch now let the smoke clear 
 

 Pretty fitting huh?

Dear Jesus,
 Set my soul on fire again.  I haven't quite gone out but I desperately need more fuel.  More you. Consume me with Your jealousy.

Deuteronomy 4:24

New International Version (NIV)

²⁴ For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. 

    

Always a Bridesmaid is Awesome

It is time again for another edition of Isabella's Adventures in Singleness. . . 

I now have in my possession 3, yes I said 3, beautiful bridesmaid dresses:

- First, I am the maid of honor in my sister's wedding in July and my dress is a beautiful pool blue, thick cotton tea dress with pockets. It is so precious. 

- My second dress is an adorable summer dress for my roommate's August wedding in a plum purple with precious flowers on the shoulder strap.  I feel like a fairy (in a good way) or some story book character.  

- The third dress is a floor length, pink\nude gown for my high school friend's wedding in September  and this is what I like to call my "movie star" dress.  I seriously would pick this dress for the day I walk the red carpet (it is going to happen, one day).


  Dresses and weddings have always been my thing so I feel completely in my element. Despite popular belief, I don't find anything wrong with the "always a bridesmaid" thing.  Especially with my younger sister getting married before me, it is like people inherently expect that you will get envious. There is a real sense of genuine pity from people and I am thinking "Uh, am I missing something? Cause I feel great!" Being a bridesmaids is awesome! What is worse about this, is that it is like almost permissible to be jealous. Ooops I guess I didn't see that Bible passage: "Thou shalt not be jealous, unless of course though art indefinitely single and subject to participate in the weddings of others."  *facepalm*

   Honestly, bring on the dancing, flowers, cake and photo shoots.   I am honored to stand up with these three beautiful women on the day that they become wives and begin this new journey. Singleness is something holy and honorable all on it's own.   Rejoice with those who rejoice. . .and remember God's promises. . .to satisfy my heart all on His own. 

 I think I want to start ending my posts with a prayer. . . I pray better when I am focused and I am never more focused than when I am writing, here goes. 

Dearest Jesus, You are incredibly faith every moment.  I realize that when I struggle with jealousy, I am saying with my heart that You aren't enough.  So, remind me every moment that You are MORE than enough for me.  I require nothing else.  Give me the grace and the love to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. . . may I turn my focus to You not only when I need you in trouble, but in times of blessing as well.  Most of all, may I remember that marriage here on Earth is an imperfect glimpse of Your kingdom. 



Just a thought: 
Maybe, part of our desire for marriage is actually a deeper desire for eternity. . .