If Gomer wrote a book. . .

" If I could ever write a book. . ."

This is going to be a late one.  Have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head. Thoughts about schoolwork, laundry, my new room key and how I am going to entertain my beloved sister all weekend in cold, windy Indiana.  I hope she is not too emotionally damaged from sheer boredom. 

Hopefully, sleep will catch up with me soon. . .it was a good night for a walk and I took one.  My wet post work-out shower hair turned icy rather quickly which sounds more miserable than it actually is. I secretly love when my hair sounds all crunchy and feel like strands of ice. 

There was other stuff on my mind though too. . . 

Who knew that faithfulness would be so hard to learn?   Especially when it comes to Christ.  The saddest thing about learning how to be faithful to God, is that every single time I cheat on Him through my actions, flirt with sin or even in the hidden secret places of my heart, I am "cheating" right in front of His face.

Ouch!

I am glad I am not God. I couldn't bare that. . . what's even more humbling to realize is that He died for me, knowing how unfaithful I would be. 

⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 Why would I give Someone I claim to love, the leftovers of my life? This really reveals a lack of trust on my end that is really disturbing. He always stays right where He is.  He is always faithful. He always gives His best. He already gave me His best. . .  If anyone in this relationship should have trust issues, it should be Him. God says to me, "Look, if I can't have all of you, I don't want any of you because I would rather have nothing than share you with someone else." In spite of all this, how great is HIS faithfulness to me.  He takes me back every time. . .jealous for my love. Probably hoping that He will be enough this time even though He always knows my human heart.  Hosea and Gomer. . . (read the book of Hosea and this reference will make a lot more sense)

But now, I am finally figuring out that He is more than enough for me.  There is one thing this relationship requires more of from me. Faithfulness.  Keeping my eyes on God and our relationship. I am done flirting with the world and being in love with myself. . .

Fidelity.

If I could ever write a book about this  experience this would be the title : 
Faithful: Ending My Love Affair with Myself 

Song of Songs 8:6-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Place me like a seal over your heart,
    like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy^[a] unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
    like a mighty flame.^[b]
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
    rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
    all the wealth of one’s house for love,
    it^[c] would be utterly scorned.